In the present situation I might as well say, even though I am dissappointed in leaving (just a few hours ago I was talking to Naffu about it)... there are many reasons why I want to desperately leave...

EDIT: Ok, so I'm leaving... this time next month.... before I get into that... lets talk about tha weekend....

I have drank the last 4 days, last nite I didnt drink too much, but the other 3 days, havent drank that much in about two months. And nah I didnt do for any reason, I did for the pure enjoyment. Thursday I was Da Dirty Mexican's house, damn I was there till 6am, he wouldnt let me leave his party... hahaha.... he lives in Long Island, so I still had a decent drive left... after a whole nite and morning of drinkin...

Saw PK for a bit then Friday nite, Radialblur and I got some drinks wit a friend of ours from HS, thenmet up wit some other chaps.... it was cool...

Saturday, got really drunk NV, a friend's bday party, Happy Hour Club member actually. Very cool nite. I realizied I am a weapon at a club, a straight guy who can dance..... and its funny by each drink I take I can feel myself losing ambition after another to let go... and do my thang (and I dont mean "hookin- up, I mean unleashing my skillz---- haha)... But I really didnt want to, the person I would have liked to dance wit wasn't there. The last time I actually danced was on my brother's bday, a time when I wasnt sure if there was only one person in my life I wanted to dance with... but only weeks after that I was quite positive. One of the funniest parts of the nite was when Big Kev and I were outside a lounge and as I was on the phone wit PK, Kev and I (actually just me) were hollaring a some chicks, I forgot wat I said (something stupid I'm sure) and they said "nah we'll pass"- and of course in my drunken stupor my temper yields its ugly head and I must have said something dergartory... and actually I did a second time. I'm actually quite mean to chicks when I'm bent... but thas another story. Anyway, yea I drove home at about 5am, I was so tired, I actually fell asleep on the road, luckily it wasnt the BQE or anything, it was a street in SI, but it was only for a couple of seconds, and I was wired after that... too scared to fall asleep.

Sunday was almost a waste, I was so dead tired... met up Radialblur got some coffee, watched the tele for a while, drank a whole bottle of Carbarnet, which was quite good. Also watched Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.... the best part of that movie.... Chris Rock: (sniff sniff) Cra, crack, Cracker.... haha, we had Pain Chests (refer to prior entry). I also talked to Sergeant Skunt... he's going to Iraq, he being the second friend of mine going there. But this guy is a Marine, so he's on the ground... some scary shit... I wish the best for him.... before I leave I mite see him cause he's suppossed to be coming back to NYC.

Today I watched City of God, it is about all the corruption and narcotics in Rio de Janiero, Brazil. Great movie... I can't believe the ending... or wat it says rather... It was also important to me, because some crazy shit happened to my bro when he was visiting Brazil. But anyway just like nubiempress says.... YOU SHOULD GO WATCH THIS MOVIE....

Rite now I'm at such peace wit my life.... everything is good, and I really mean everything... I have no complaints... and in some ways its gonna end (dont worry I dont mean just you)... and I can't stand it... but thas life, you gotta suck it up... and hope.... I really dont wanna lose the feeling of hope again.... its too lonely of a state...

Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)
We wine and dine
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)
Things that lovers say and do
I love you boo, I love you too
I miss you a lot, I miss you even more
That's why I flew you out
When we was on tour
But then something got out of hand
You start yellin when I'm with my friends
Even though I had legitimate reasons (bull shit)
You know I have to make them dividends (bull shit)
How could you trust our private lives girl
That's why you don't believe my lies
And quit this lecture

The Birth of the Nation weekend was very good and why do I say that, because the Mets sweeped, THATS RIGHT, sweeped the Yankees. But unluckily they lost yesterday, and it looks like Tom Glavine will be unale to get to 300 wins, which is unforunate.

Coach K did not go to LA (Thank God)...

Ok enough of sports, the weekend, I went to some BBQs, where my friends actually had Gardenburgers so I can enjoy the festivities. I tried Heineken Dark Lager, not bad, its comparable to a "Light Guiness"...

Watched 21 Grams with Radialblur, which was cool.... and later that day got cracked on by Fat_Bastard's parents.... pretty messed up actually, but better than the OTHER TOPIC they were discussing. Well 21 Grams is a good movie, very peculiar relationships I must say, but Naomi Watts, excellent performance.... her life was f*cked up, and she acted it out well.

I've started to realizing more and more, since I'm leaving for school soon that I miss all the people I've chilled wit in these last few years (last years are the only ones I can even consider friends)... its gonna be sad when I go. Since I'm going somewhere rather far, I wonder if they still will be good friends when I come back. I know a couple for sure will be. And I think my Happy Hour Club will prolly remain just that, a drinking group.... which is fine. But someone like HAS and IGH, where distance has determined the relationship, in IGH's case definetly. She doesnt talk to me because I'm not up her ass all the time, and even though thas messed up and I usually would not stand for such Bull Shit, I let it go for her, because in the end she is a good friend. Always looking out, but CBin' me on hot chicks, and trying to hook me up wit whack ones.... haha..... HAS, she's always on the move, but a very good friendship has developed in the past year, I hope that doesnt dwindle away. And then there is the BING crew, well one portion of it has already fled, a portion that I really didn't like to begin with. But I'm not too sure about the rest of these guys, I try my best to keep up good terms with everyone, not a very easy thing to do.

----Ahhh well... not too much stress in my life, so I worried about sh*t that doesn't really matter I gotta keep myself busy, or my mind will destroy me...

EDIT: Great song..... for obvious reasons (to Me anyway)...

I am heaven sent
Don't you dare forget
I am all you've ever wanted
What all the other boys all promised
Sorry I told
I just needed you to know
I think in decimals and dollars
I am the cause to all your problems
Shelter from cold
We are never alone
Coordinate brain and mouth
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out
I wish I knew
I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are
with whoever they're there with
This is war
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
I hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for
Holding on to your grudge
Oh it's so hard to have someone to love
And keeping quiet is hard
Cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start
(at least pretend you didn't want to get caught)
We're consentrated on falling apart
We were contenders, now throwing the fights
I just want to believe...I just want to believe..I just want to believe.. in us
Oh, we're so controversial
We are [I am] entirely smooth
We admit to the truth
We are [I am] the best at what we do
And these are the words you wish you wrote down
This is the way you wish your voice sounds Handsome and smart
Ooh, my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart
And it's all from watching t.v.
And from speeding up my breathing
Would'nt stop if I could
Oh, it hurts to be this good
You're holding on to your grudge
Oh, it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love
Oh, so let it go
This is the grace only we can bestow
This is the price you pay for loss of control
This is the break in the bend
This is the closest of calls
This is the reason you're alone
This is the rise and fall

So I dont know how many of you remember Windows 95, but when Microsoft was booming during this era.... they used to have a potential employees try to solve a riddle before the interview... here it is:

It is night time, and 4 people are at a bridge. They have 1 flashlight, and only 2 can go across at a time. When they go across, they have to have the flashlight. The only problem is that they have to get across the bridge in 17 minutes. It takes them all diffrent times to go across. One goes across in 10 minutes, one in 5 minutes, one in 2 minutes and one in 1 minute. The time it takes for two of them to go across is the slower ones time (ie: if the 10 and the 2 went across it would be 10 minutes). So how do you get them all to the other side within 17 minutes...(this doesnt have some stupid trick like throw the flashlight or go on a diffrent bridge)

Good Luck

Whoa... busy busy busy... drove some bit.... but it was infinitely cool..... joy that will last a lifetime.

Well Im gone soon... so Im tryin to make time for people.... but its hard cause I'm a busy guy....  ya kno...

THA WEEKEND:

Did mad shit... just found out Dirty Joe came from Long Beach, Cali for the weekend.. so I had to chill wit him.... but before that went to a Graduation party for Big Kev's sister. It was iight, it was interesting cause, all of Big Kev's friends didnt bring any chicks.... but I brought PK. A place where there were mostly Fobbed out Indians. Only a select few knew who I was, so almost know one knew who she was..... it was cool... but I dont like the Indian staring and grilling (I'll get to that later).... its just uninviting..... But the party in general was cool..... we had to get back to my land of shaolin to see Dirty Joe, Radialblur, Fat_Bastard, the Retired Couple".... Wat was funny it seemed PK and I, did a very typical GUJU (Gujurati- type of Indian) trait, bounce after we eat... I had a good laugh.

When we got to shaolin.... PK saw me in my element --I know you saw some things for the first time, I know THAT was not a good experience... but I hoped you enjoyed--- anyway it was cool... we relived some moments.... Radialblur had his typical PAIN CHESTS (yes PAIN CHESTS- once a friend of ours purposely poured out vianlla ice cream out of his mouth to mimick *COUGH COUGH*, and Radialblur laughed so hard his chest was hurting, we asked him "Whats wrong?" he replied "Pain Chests"). I laughed so hard, I started tearing, this is how my people roll.... especially Fat_Bastard and I, we put on shows for people. And of course everyone had to crack on me in front of PK... but it was a typical enjoyable nite for people around me.... HAHA...

Yesterday, I tried my best to rest.... got pissed off that the Mets got swept in the doubleheader.... chilled wit Fat_Bastard and Radialblur.... I knew that was gonna happen cause we were gonna diagnose the PK meeting. She is only the second girl in my life that my best friends have ever met.... and they know how much PK means to me... so this needed to be done.

Later in the nite... chilled wit Dirty Joe and got to see some people from high school that I havent talked to in awhile.... which was chill..... and thas about it....

Brown Couples:

Ok, of course I know the deal with most brown parentals, I have my own pair. But I do have two older siblings, and the whole family has gone through some drama. I am also aware only a generation earlier, most marriages were arranged, and that was the only significant other you have prolly had in your life. And as much I am not in favor with any single religion ( I am pro mutliple religions/philosphies but con for any one religion), I stay true to most traditions that been passed down to me.

Our parents made a very hard desicion, come to this country -- have more opporunity (especially for the offspring) in fear that values/lifestyles will be lost-- and for most of us they chose to come. Let me to tell ya, I'm very Indian, values-wise mostly, maybe I'm not good with the language, maybe I dont follow the music, but I know the thinking and I know the culture. Without a doubt I will pass everything I have learned from my family, but I will also instruct my offspring to strive to learn about other teachings... the more you know, the stronger the mind (which I firmily believe). The question, I'm sure parents will ask themselves (for some us), was coming here a mistake? In my case, I think I would be acting more/ less the same way. I live by experience.... of course in India I wouldnt have as much... but I would be doing the same things... I'd just be FOBBED out (haha)...

Some members of my family in the generation above me did not act in the "norm", did what they want, and which they thought was rite for them, most importantly did what made them happy. Isn't that wat its all about? And of course happiness is a comparison, and however someone feels happy or watever makes them happy, I say go for it... I'm talking about people who are not genuine, like myself. I say this b/c I am intimadated to tell my parents about PK, and I hate that. Its not that I hide or lie to them.... they arent delusional... shit I once had a gora in my house for a week to "visit".... they are much smarter than that. I told myself if I found someone special, I would tell my momz (my popz doesnt care much, he just likes to know that his children are enjoying themselves). Well I have decided not to shut her out, I will tell her about PK, even though the outlook for the two of us is not very bright. I'm tired of my momz asking me, "do you have girlfriend?"--- because other than a girlfriend (and those activities), I tell my momz everything... I hate it that I don't disclose that portion of my life. I know she would love PK.

If you having girl problems I feel bad fo you son

Cause I got 99 problems and a bitch aint one

So now my momz will know wats goin on wit my hun

I do wat makes me happy--- that is my motto.... happiness is so precious... cause it goes as quick as it comes....

Im out....

Clark Kent

Tha weekend was cool. On Friday got to meet some people.... pDawg, Bubblestar and Lil_injun and some other people but I don't know their names (real or xanga)....  Well to anyone at that Bday dinner.... you were mad chill and I had a good time... Sorry I couldnt stay but I had to get to another friend's bday event...

My boy Big Kev from Bing-Bing had his bday party at Trust-Lounge over the weekend, interestingly enough four other Asian girls had their bday party there too. C-digi came through too, which was cool wit his boy... havent seen that dirty mexican in a while.... And to this party I actually brought my two best friends, Radialblur and Fat_Bastard... they seemed to enjoy themselves.... but I was not too sure.... surrounded by brown and yellow people can get suffocatin at times... I know for a fact... haha... jus playin......

We hopped over to some other place... which is pretty cool... in the Meat Packin District.... I actually was at that bar before... my infamous 24 year old incident brought me there once (actually that nite was the last time I saw her).... it was cool... but I was mad tired so we had to be out......

Yesterday I was in the Philly area, my "niece" had her college graduation party... so holla at her... it was cool, but the geriatrics (my folks and my cuz's folks) were gettin tired so we had to be out to being the drivers and all.... old people cant drive..... nor can they see..... I say give them all free bus passes.... haha.......

Today I did some more driving (but this was VERY cool driving)..... saw Radialblur.... had an interesting convo.... we mainly spoke about religion and the limitations they demand.... You know how there are missionaries for religions... well little Krysziu is a missionary for anti-religion... he feels no one should have limitations.... and pretty much I am second-in-command of this group... only because I'm not as anti-religion as he is...... Seriously though to make Radialblur vomit.... dont give him tns of alcohol, say you LOVE YOUR RELIGION.....

So pretty much I must have clocked in about 500 miles if not more on the road.....
Thas it for know... since I'm a very busy guy who runs around everywhere all the time.... and I got mad shit to do...

Wat up people.... I've noticed that my has not been too interesting as of late, usually just updating my life... and I have also noticied that I dont really put anything up when Im not pissed off about something.... which is quite lame.... so here goes something.....

First Happy Bday to my man Pac.... you be killing UNTIL THE END OF TIME. RIP.

Hold up gotta bounce, finish this later.....

EDIT: Actually the edit was prolly gonna be in two weeks or so..... but this is not gonna be REAL entry....

I just don't feel like myself today... tried my best... not much else I can do....

IIght, I'm back...

Cali: It was cool, not my kinda place though.... maybe San Diego, but LA area sucks. The SMOG, the traffic... not cool. And if none of you guys know, LA proper, is a dump.... it majorily sucks.

But I went to a wedding out there, actually a cousin I have that I never met before, and that was mad chill. I mainly chilled wit a couple of cousins of mine that Im mad cool wit. Got to chill wit my boy Tom who is in the Navy. We went to some bar in San Diego, Vivek & Co. got pretty drunk....

Las Vegas was chill too, but too hot for me, I dont work very well in heat. The hotels there are mad nice.... but the parentals slowed me down a bit, but it was bareable.... but I have to go back there w/o em to get the real experience. Saw a couple of shows out there, "O" by Cirque Du Soliel, awesome, I suggest everyone to go out there for just that show. And I saw "Blue Man Group", but Ive seen it in the city, I think its better in the city actually.

What have I been doing since.... not much... just realizing that PK is PHAT (Chris Tucker defintion: Pretty Hot And Tempting)... and sleeping... since  I have no job. Wat a life.... its great.

Thas about it for now... Happy hour club tomorrow.... which should be very interesting...

Im gonna go pimp it out in San Diego, Los Angeles and Las Vegas.... dont worry by the end I'll dust my shoulder off....

Peace out to all, you all will be pissed by my absence but you will be missed by me..... especially PK....

SAY WHAT!

Wat up my people.... mad questions I like it:

ironical_paradox
1.is it better to live life so ur accepted and happy that way, or live life alone but happy cuz ur u?
- You should live life to wat makes YOU happy. If someone feels they will be genuinely happy by being accepted thas fine for them... for me I'd rather be happy and sincere about it (self-inflicted).

2. favorite pickup line and why
- I know most guys like to say they dont use lines... and actually I really dont... you can ask PK, my line is smiling... it ropes any chick in.

3. if u could change your name to anything, would u, what, and why?
- Hmmm, names I think that shouldnt be changed, one part of someone's identity that they dont determine. My parentals gave me the name and I have faith in why decided it, even though they didnt know wat I would be like.

nubiaempress
1.What is the meaning of life?
- Not to put a damper on life, but the meaning is death. What is made is destroyed. For my thoughts in b/w, I think its a never-ending mystery. Everyone has their thoughts on what will happen, and a lot people even stress about it. Personally I try not to think about it, because for me to REALLY believe, I need evidence, and thas something you can not get until you die. So I say screw it all, do wat you want, especially wat makes ya happy.... and not worry about outcomes of the after-life. Stress that you can not alleviate.
2. Who would you make president (not necessarily from the available choices)?
- Rudolph Guiliani. If he can run my city (WAT- WAT), he can be the leader of the Free World.

3. If you had one wish, what would it be (and no wishing for more wishes!)?
- Hmm, I'm a very unselfish person... so I was gonna say everyone to be happy, but that wouldnt work, b/c w/o sadness you cant appreciate happiness. So my answer would have to be... let people receive wat they deserve. TOTAL KARMA. You do something "bad" something "bad" will happen to you, of course the same for goodness. All I would want is fairness.

bubblestar
1. What would you do if you found out that what you perceive as your values, what you grew up believing was all wrong?
- Was ALL wrong... strong word, ALL... but if some values of mine are wrong... it would suck. I use my values and my experiences to guide me... if I were to be wrong... whoa never thought of that.... cause I earnestly believe most of them are rite. I think I would be lost...

2. If you had no limits on money, circumstances, etc., what would you be doing right now (in the big picture sense - job, life, etc.)?
- Living in NYC, b/w 14th st and 34st, midtown def... high rise building. Life, I would try to do a bunch of stuff... I would dabble in everything. I think I would still do the whole doc thing, but also do more artsy stuff. Try some directing... And become more of a connoisseur on everything. Reading, writing and all that stuff... since I would have more time. And I would try to teach... anywhere, all the time... maybe on the subway.... dress in a suit and teach... yea def. 

3. What's your favorite book?
-Catcher in the Rye, by JD Salinger and Choke, by Chuck Pahlaniuk. Both main characters define me fairly well.

varnica
1.  Is there a distinction between romantic love and familial (brotherly/sisterly/motherly/etc.) love?  If so, define this distinction.  If not, explain how the love for your significant other is same or similar to the love for your mother.
- I think society has created a distinction of romantic and familial love. But I think they both are very similar, of course there are some differences... but if I care for someone romantically, Im gonna care for them as much as someone who is my family. Distinction- I think the blood, when you are the same as someone 25%-50% or more, you can feel that. When a brother/mother/father/sister is in pain or in joy, you can feel it too, b/c you will react very similarily. Of course a significant other is not blood. With a significant other, love is the joy of knowing soemone who isnt related (AKA- obligated) to you, cares about you... great feeling.

2.  Can you love more than one person (romantically) at the same time.  If so, should you?  If not, describe the supposed monogmy of love.
- Yes anything is possible. Should you, if someone can handle it... where the feelings for each person for just for that specific person.. and not are not mixing. You are not significantly thinking bout one person when you are with the other.

3.  Do you believe in **true** love?  If so do you ever stop loving someone if you were at any point, "truely *in love*" with them?  If not, list factors that would make someone fall out of love (events, time apart, etc.).  If so, what are some factors that make it impossible for someone to fall out of "true" love.  
- "True" love, no I dont believe in it. This is a leap of faith to really think that only person exists for another. Fall out of love- When someone b/c dependent on another's love... there is a loss of yourself into the other... you dont get over it, until you can gain that portion back.

4. How much wood would a woodchuck....just kidding...unless you want to answer it.
- Until it pleased his lady woodchuck.

5.  When was the last time we talked/commented?
- Maybe 3-4 weeks.

pDawg
1) What's your favorite memory? Why?
- Well in my recent situation (PK), Im still makin some, so I'm gonna pick something else. This is actually funny, this is one of my favorite memories. My sister's sweet sixteen. I was 6 years old. And I'm a dancer.. I def wild out. So I did, and I ended up dancing wit all my sister's friends, made me feel mad good... I was a playa from the start.

2) Name one thing you wish to accomplish 'fore you die.  Why?
- Make my parents proud that they had me. Also I have this crazy ambition to cure cancer. Cancer is fascinating, the one thing in this world that can not die. Everyone life form wants to do anything not to die, and cancer has done it. But mainly the parental thing.

3) Who do admire most? Why?
- My parents. My Dad cause he took the risk to come to this country. Also he gave support to all his relatives to come here and have more opportunity compared to India. My Momz cause she has given up some much in her lifetime and yet she is still going, still smiling. And of course the both of them are nicest people I know, constantly giving.

so_sweet_t
1. If you had one more day left to live, how would you spend those last 24 hours?
- If I knew I had one day to live... I would prolly try ACID, and just think about wats gonna happen. I always wanted to do ACID, but too worried about the after effects. If I didnt know, I would go about my day the same.

Shadow_Fever
wut's ya fav. song?
- Hard question cause I have a few. So I will give all of them:
"Smells Like Teen Spirit" Nirvana
"Love Buzz" Nirvana
"My Decemeber" Linkin Park
"One" Metallica
"Epiphany" Staind
"Until the End of Time" 2pac
"You're Da Man" Nas

Queen_Hera
1. If you were standing on a cliff and you had no reason to jump, but then you had no reason not to either, what would you do?
- Whoa thas like Tree Falling in the Woods... I would have to say I would sit on the cliff, ponder this desicion... its the never ending question.... Yes/No.... I've been thinking about that question as early as I can remember.

2. What's the first thing you think of when you see the colour purple?
- These pants my Mom bought for me when I was in the 6th grade. It was by Cotler (Ive never heard of that shit).... she made me wear that until my body ripped the seams.

3. Would you eat celery?
- I have and I do.

QT_pie14
2. do u ever jerk off b/c u have nothing good to do?
- Nah I dont have time for that, I do it via need. Such as this one time, I was thinkin bout PK, and I was on the subway... So I wipped it out, took care of it and luckily I got most of it in some girl's mouth from about 5 feet away. I only got a little bit in her eye... I'm gettin better....

3. my place or your's?
- Not much is better than having home-field advantage. But I have to say taking care of business on an AWAY floor, esp on parentals bed.... say word.

VIVEKS LIFE:

My boy Tom, who is in the NAVY, got back from his deployment, so Ive been chillin wit him. He actually lives in San Diego and actually I will be seein him there in about a week or so. Yea, did I talk bout my brother's party.. well I was the life of the party as usual. Going nuts, mad funny shit... showed everyone how to do the dance to "ROSES".. haha. Thrusday was again Climate Eight, which was cool, saw some people I havent see in about 5-6 years. Chilled mainly with the Happy Hour Club... which was cool. And of course PK is in the mix...

IIght I'm tired, now attempting for the third time to watch Kill Bill Vol. 1.... hopefully I can get through the whole thing.

EDIT:

admirer:

1. What is the most precious thing you have ever lost?

Has not happen yet but it will. Dang.

2.  What is your favorite candy? Or chocolate

Jolly Ranchers.... I think... watermelon. Chocolate, def Hershey's dark special.